3 Life Lessons from my 20s
We are on the verge of bidding 2020 adieu — a very eventful year. This also happens to be the year when I (almost) say goodbye to my 20s. My heart is filled with gratitude for all that life gave me. For all the wonderful people I met, all the kindness and friendships I experienced, all the warmth and support that carried me through the hard times — for all that and more, I’m grateful!
Looking back at the last decade, I wanted to pause and reflect on all that I learnt and all that I want to carry with me into my 30s. Capturing and distilling all of it was much harder than I anticipated. There is a lot I could talk about personally and professionally but the heart of it all can be summed up by these 3.
1. Life is ephemeral. What outlives you is how you make people feel.
Anyone who knows me well, knows what a tremendous impact my mom had on my life. My mom’s fortitude, strength of character, kindness and her unconditional presence for everyone in her life is the north star I try to live by each day. She raised my brother and me alone in India while my dad worked overseas, just so we could get good education. A life with two young kids in India 20 years back was not easy by any measure and yet she gave us a perfectly loved and cared for childhood. Even though she rarely expressed it in words, I never questioned her love for me, because her actions and constant presence spoke volumes. For me, it was my mom who brought these words to life — “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
When I was 21 and studying in Singapore for my Bachelors, I got a call one day from home that shattered my whole world in an instant. My mom had passed away. The days and months that followed have been the lowest points of my life. It is hard to explain in words how painful and excruciating it was to come to terms with the loss of my mom. Losing her made me wish — if only I could tell her once more how much I loved her, how much she meant to me, how very grateful I am for all that she sacrificed to give us a good life. It made me realize how little time we have with our loved ones and how much we must all cherish those we love and call family.
We all come to this world for a finite time, the legacy I want to leave behind is of making people feel valued, appreciated and most of all, loved.
2. Surround yourself with people who help you grow.
Ever since I left for college and embraced an independent life, I have met a lot of interesting people — in college, at work and in social circles. The ones who have had the biggest contribution in my growth are those who have had very different ways of looking at the world than me and the ones who have challenged me to be a better version of myself, perhaps because they saw a potential in me that I never did. Such people are hard to come by, so when they do, keep them close and actively nurture those relationships. They will help you grow exponentially!
“Life Is Growth. If We Stop Growing, Technically And Spiritually, We Are As Good As Dead.” — Morihei Ueshiba
I believe that in today’s information age, it is not difficult to become knowledgeable, but the process of accruing wisdom is experiential. It can only happen when we are stretched, challenged and empowered to do things that we haven’t done before.
3. Find what keeps you authentic. Practice it daily.
I have come to believe that when we are true to our authentic self, we know what nurtures our being. Staying connected to my authentic self is the only thing that has kept me grounded in the face of emotional or mental stress.
Connection with one’s self can come in various forms. Some find it through journaling or painting or by taking walks. I found mine through meditation.
I have been meditating on and off for the last 10 years. I have not been very consistent, but it has been my go-to when I feel stuck or my mind feels foggy. Meditating always centers me and brings clarity to my mind. This year with the quarantine/lockdown — I have been meditating regularly and it has done wonders to my overall well being. I have been much happier, calmer, focused and a lot more productive at work.
The secret I think is simple. When your mind is quiet, it somehow knows what truly matters, what will spark joy in your life. With that clarity it gets easier to focus, easier to channel your energies, easier to be disciplined, and discipline can achieve even the unthinkable. Joy is then easy to find in the day-to-day.
This realization and this habit has been transformational for me and I plan to carry it with me into the new decade.
If you are new to meditation, I would recommend starting with short guided meditations or joining virtual meetups.
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And that’s a wrap. 3 lessons that I will take into my 30s -
- Life is short. You will be remembered by how you made others feel.
- Build relationships that help you be a better version of yourself.
- Find what nurtures your authentic self. Do it daily.
Last decade had its share of tough times and some very joyous moments. I am grateful for this journey of growth, inspiration and self discovery. I hope that some of these lessons resonate with you and inspire you to reflect on your life lessons. May you all find happiness, purpose and love along the way!
